get back up

http://imgfave.com/view/1992738 this is funny because it's true and it happens to everyone. don't feel bad when it happens and dont give up either!! thats the worst thing you can do because you'l be giving up on yourself.the most important to remember is why your doing this in the first place. never try to lose weight for anyone but yourself!! keep your head up and get back to it even if you gained that 5lbs back

Me now

5foot2 and 230lbs but my boobs are big so that counts for some of my weight right?

you are a pretty girl..but you would be prettier if you lost some weight....

Growing up I was never skinny I've had problems with my weight my whole life. I think the root of this is my parents breaking up and mom getting a health nut boyfriend. I enjoy healthy foods dont get me wrong, but once he moved in everything was "bad for you": milk cheese loaf bread yogurt and the list goes on. My whole diet was switched over-night,until the weekends when i would go to my dad's house. I think my father was so scared that i would like my moms boyfriend over him he would give me everything that  i wasnt allowed at moms house:::: candy,sweets,red meat.. basically anything i wanted which helped me have an unhealthy relationship with food. The more i think about it the i realize i would eat as much "junk" as i could on the weekend because i knew during the week i wouldnt get anything like it. Once i got older my mother who is a slim size 4, would always pressure on me to lose weight. "you're such a beautiful girl Marissa, you would be so much prettier if you lost weight" i feel like this is the worst thing she could say to me. I know she meant well but i still felt like she was ashamed to have a daughter that looks like me. My sister is the same size as her, after having two kids, and everyone talks about how much they look alike. not me just the black fat cow in the family no one believes I'm my mother's daughter. I'm writing this because i'm sure there are other girls out there who went through this growing up and I wanna let you know your pretty with the extra weight or not so don't let the words of your family get you down because in the end so mean well.

These are the pictures I want to look back on:

Not that I enjoy putting pictures on the internet of myself, in this way... but you have to start somewhere I guess. I'm surrendering to a new life, and a new me.  (Now it's Marissa's turn!)

Current Weight 238lbs
Current Height  5'9 1/2
Current Pant Size 16/18
Current Bra Size 36b

I would like to reach 165lbs, and/or be in a size 10 jeans.

  2/2/2012<--- I would like to flatten my tummy, remove my FUPA, and be able to have space between my thighs. 

***Credit to Marissa for the Watermelon shirt. (she will have to share the video in a post soon)***

<---Me in High School

Losing motivation!

I'm not as motivated as I was when we began this journey a month ago.  I recently lost my job, I'm a full-time college student, and can't afford to buy good groceries.  I have a 24/hr gym in my apartment complex, and access to a 24/hr gym locally, and 4 more sessions of Zumba (1.5hr classes).

My next attempt is to post old photos of myself on the fridge.....of time when I was healthy, and skinny.  Stress is a HUGE factor (I've learned... over the past couple of years) in weight gain, and the inability to lose weight.  I thought that it was something more, so I went to see my doctor. She ran every test, including diabetes, heart disease, and thyroid problems.  The outcome? Stress, cortisol levels, and hormones.  I recently started a new amount of hormones (and increased dosage of estrogen), and taking supplements daily.

These are the supplements I take daily (with a glass of water, and NOT on an empty stomach):